Here are several things you can do to make conversations with your
child about important issues, including not smoking, more effective:
- Let your child know that you're listening. This may be as simple as repeating the key points your child is making, or asking an occasional question based on what he's just said.
- Look for nonverbal cues, such as body language and facial expressions, for insights into your child's feelings. Remember that children can't always put their feelings into words.
- Talk when and where your child feels comfortable. Remember that some teens are more embarrassed when they're in public, while others are less comfortable talking when you're alone.
- You don't have to pretend to know everything. "I don't know, but let's find out" is sometimes the best answer. (There are resources for finding out the answers to many questions about teenagers and smoking throughout this website, and especially in our "Facts and Research" section.
- Pay attention to your child's emotions as well as her words. There are times when the best way to continue a conversation is simply to acknowledge what your child seems to be feeling. ("I can see that you're concerned about what your friends might think.") That lets your child know that you understand how your child is feeling, and that it's OK for her to share those feelings with you even if you disagree with her.
- Focus your comments on ideas and behaviors, not on personalities. For example, saying that your child's friend is "stupid because she smokes" will probably cause your child to defend her friend out of loyalty, and miss your underlying message. Instead, mention how bad the smoking is for her friend, and ask what she might do to help her quit. This allows your child to focus on the consequences of smoking, and to think about its effects on people she knows.
Next Topic: Continuing the Conversation
Author: Dr. Larry Kutner
